Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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