Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
