does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
