Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
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To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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