Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
