Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
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WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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