coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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