My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
