I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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