I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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