im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
