smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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