so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
