Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
