so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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