just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
