We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
