And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
