I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
