i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
