Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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