i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
