I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
