so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize