dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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