dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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