after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
