He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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