I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
