i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
