There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
