I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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