First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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