Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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