our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
