He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
