just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize