You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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