I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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