my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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