i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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