I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize