We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
