Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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