Acid is not a monday night drug
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
