you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
