she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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