I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
