he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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