Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
