It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
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They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
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She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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