How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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