I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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