how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
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He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
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I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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