I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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