Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
