I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
