there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
