shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
