Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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