The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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