He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
