I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
