I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
