It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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