I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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