Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
