It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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