Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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