Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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