Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
