There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
