Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
