ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
