My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
