Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
