i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
