Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
