Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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