Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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