Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just want to make out with him forever
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
