Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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