i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
