I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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